Sometimes I think i'm losing it. When I hang out with people, I always think they're dropping hints or something. One time I thought I pooped my pants a little bit and it seemed like everybody was talking about poop and making fun of me like they knew I had crapped myself. Then I got home and checked for poop and I didn't even poop my pants, it was all in my head.

Perhaps I have shit for brains.

Holy shit! If you give a fuck, why don't you give a buck? Click here asshole and help someone.
I donated $10.00 so why don't you?

This article truly deserves to be in the "This Can't Be Real" category. As a child I had fond memories of Joyland amusement park in Wichita, Kansas. Riding the go-karts, attempting to rip aluminum foil off the strobe room in the Whacky Shack as the car passed through, getting the crappy bumper car that only turned left on the Dodgem ride, being afraid to ride the roller coaster not because of it's speed but because of it's age and likelyhood to fall apart while I was riding it. Even the "Kiddie Land" portion was great as I remember. So let's revisit Joyland in the spring of 2011.

The Park

Joyland was a postage-stamp-sized, family-owned amusement park with lots of big sycamore and oak trees and attractions that belie its size. Joyland's arsenal of rides include a Round-Up, a Tilt-A-Whirl, a Dodgem, a Ferris Wheel, a Carousel, a Wave Swinger, a Giant (gunny sack) Slide, a Scrambler, several kiddie rides, a large, winding extra-price go-kart track, the 1949 Schmeck/PTC Roller Coaster, a single-mast Skycoaster, and a long, rambling, permanently-installed log flume (The Log Jam). In addition, Joyland has the Whacky Shack, a beautiful, well-maintained 1950s gravity-driven pretzel dark ride, and a scenic train ride featuring yet another Chance-built C.P. Huntington train just like those at Conneaut Lake Park and Williams Grove. All of the attractions except the go-kart track are on the park's asphalt midway. The park has a reasonable number of skill games available, including Skee-Ball. The park has a $3.00 gate fee and from there you can either pay 75¢ or $1.50 per ride (using tickets), or you can purchase a Ride-A-Rama wristband for $11.95. The park is generally open only on weekends--2-9 on Saturdays and 2-8 on Sundays.

Joyland has a large, shady picnic grove with several covered pavilions in its center. The park straddles a deep flood control wash (much larger than the one at Knoebel's) which snakes through and has from time to time inundated the park. This happened most recently in 1998 when several boats from the park's Log Jam flume ride were carried off , some going as far as the Arkansas River before being recovered. The midway is in front of the wash; the picnic grove in back of the wash; the go-kart track is on another parcel of land entirely to the left of the wash, accessible only via a large concrete pedestrian bridge. It appears that there is a themed area of Joyland . There is an area of shops themed like an Old West town on the right end of the park, but it is currently undergoing slight construction. The park has no other shops (not even a gift shop), so I assume this is where it would have otherwise been located.

The park was very clean and reasonably well landscaped. I saw people sweeping up, but most of that was just dirt or stuff dropping from the trees--patrons at this park know exactly where trash belongs and it never gets littered in the first place. Most of the park has had a fresh coat of paint this year although some of the artists were clearly amateurs.

The Food

While there are several drink stands scattered throughout the park, there really is only one food stand. This walk-up midsize building with a zigzag roof is built to last -- brick and stainless steel, with a new tile floor in the food preparation area. The park offers hot dogs, corn dogs, Chili Fritos, nachos, pickles, Icees, Coke products, and the item I tried--their $4 chicken fingers/french fry basket. WOW! Everything was made to order, fresh, delivered with a friendly smile, and tasted unbelievably good. The fries especially had to have been some of the best I've ever had. One of the others in our group had a corn dog, which he said was quite good too.

The Bathrooms

The park only has one set of bathrooms, though they were quite small they were clean and there was never a line for them despite the healthy crowd at the park. I contrast this to my visit to Six Flags Ohio in 2000 where I nearly gagged at the stench and conditions of the men's bathrooms--and was completely amazed by the foul mouths of the park patrons inside--and that was after waiting in line forever just to get to them.

The Go-Karts

The park's 12 peppy go-karts buzz around a large, extremely windy track with a couple of hairpin turns thrown in. For $3, you get 5 minutes or 5 laps around the track. These go-karts were fun, but I have to give the edge to the go-karts at Lakemont Park and their track's cool electronic signal lights.

A couple of weeks ago I posted an article titled "Whatever happened to Rebecca Chapman?" Well today when writing another article I went back to www.rebeccachapman.com and wow! Look at her new site! It's put together using weebly and looks really good compared to what was up there before. So whatever happened to Rebecca Chapman? Well she grew up and got all hot!

I like to think that it was my comment that gave her the initiative to re-design her site and if that's true then I would like to congratulate myself for bringing yet another good looking woman into the nerd fold once again.

Not to be confused with RebeccaChapman.org